;; `` s0medayye / *~

Saturday, August 25, 2007

chris; this is for you.

why do you have to be so difficult. all i wanted was to use the com to do some sch stuff and help mum because she doesn't know how to use the computer that well. am i not worth that little bit of your time at all? is it so hard to sacrifice just a little of your time so that it's convenient for me? do you see me as your sister at all? i'd buy things for you and sometimes it'd be inconvenient, but i'd do it because you needed it and cos you asked me. i wouldn't even get the money back from you. i'd buy you presents for your birthday and such but all you'd give me for my birthday is a hug. and i'd still be really happy. that's how much you mean to me. but even getting me some strepsils on the way home cuz i had a really bad inflammed throat was too ma fan for you. i didn't say anything. what happened today has really made a great impact on me, i don't think i can see you as who i used to see you as. from now on you're just an acquaintance who happens to stay with me and happened to be born from the same mother, conceived by the same father, as i. at least it'll save me a whole lot of heartache if such an incident were to occur again in the future. not like it makes a significant difference to you. all you care about are your friends, your games, bowling and who knows what. i'm probably not even last on the priority list to you. but heck, i can't control you, i can't control your behaviour, i can't control your morals&beliefs. i have no say in your life at all. at least this won't even occur again cos you're out of my life. you're an insignificant being to me now. i bet you don't care. you just can't be bothered. what are we, your family, to you? just your toys, your tools that you use to your advantage. have you ever done anything for mum or dad, for your grandparents, for beth or i? have you? all you actually do is buy better computer stuff so your dota won't lag and so you can have an advantage in your game. you don't even want to attend family functions, and when you're forced to, you sulk and ruin the whole event. otherwise you come up with last-minute arrangements or excuses and in the end change your plan to go out with your friends to watch a movie or something.. but mum&dad never once complained. they're always giving in to you. they go out of their way to make life easier for you. when you come home, you're the king. everything's your decision. when you want to use the computer, i get off and let you use it cos you're always in school. do i complain? does beth complain? you won't even let mum or dad use the com to check their mail. you won't even listen to them when they're asking you about your arrangements. they're doing everything for you. you just stare at your beloved computer screen and carry on with your game. we're not even worth a minute or your time. all you do it take, you never give. i can't take it anymore. i don't owe you anything.

goodbye, brother.

watching us fading ;
watching it all fall apart